Last Ep: Someone called love

The day you make that decision is the day you die in my life.

What remains is only memory from the past...

So long and have a great life Mr. Juliet d Orange..

Nvm, I won't find someone like you because sure he will leave me too if he is like you...

haha...

Pahatkan nisan, kuntuman syair,
Keluh pujangga, kasih tak sampai.
-Ali Setan 2-

Hati sentiasa berharap,
Kasih sentiasa menanti,
Sayang terkedu melihat,
Cinta tak sampai ke hati. -TTM-

Dumb.

Some people are ugly.
Some people are dumb.
But I am both.

because I love you that is why.
because I care that is annoyed.
because it is hurt and that is for sure.

Please continue ignoring me and block my whatsapp too because I can't stand my self to see you online but not ignoring you.

I just can't help my self from not sending text to you.

That is the reasons why I hate the fact that I like you, I love you a lot.

Because I love you sayang and I know that you won't.

"Scar at your body show that you had fight, scar at your heart show that you had  loved."

p/s : I thought that I am done but still I write about you. Just when will you realize this.

For someone that I secretly love.

I still remember, the day you come by.
That was the moment, and you start it with a hye.

You asked me something,
but I can’t recalled
and then we laugh like we known forever all.

I still can’t forget, the night that we first met,
You bring me to restaurant of hawker instead.

We agree to eat at the street, that night,
but the restaurant is more than sweet,
and that is the first night, the first time we meet.

I don’t even adore you at first, not even care,
For me, my past is still more to bear.

But you give me courage and never stop to try.
That is the love that I hardly realise and why?

Time feel like running so fast,
Every day and night discussing about our path.

Sometimes you here, sometimes you there,
Sometimes you love, sometimes you don’t care.

You said that you love me, and I knew it wasn’t true,
Thus, I keep on silent with no reply of “I love you too.”

One day you came by again, and act like “not missing you”,
Out of the blue before midnight, you repeat again the “I love you”

I ask you to stop, because I know the feeling is fake,
Mentioned by you that night, it comes deep from your heart although it is fake.

The moment I am awake, you already gone,
The love that you give before, is now like sunset in the dawn.

I don’t know what to do,
And choose to be calm,
But believe me boy, every day I hope to be in your arm.

And now I already late,
You have met your new soul mate.
As good bye will always not my preference,
Thus, I prefer to watch from far, Instead still hoping for us to be like before, but that’s making me going too far.

I know you won’t love me, it will never be true,
I knew it from the start but still I fall for you.

Now is the perfect time,
to say that I am sorry,
for keeping this from you in a while,
I am in deep guilty.

Thus, its hurt me enough to love you secretly.

Sincerely by me.

For Mr. Google all the time,

Tonight after accidentally watch your updates, I realize that you are belong to someone else right now.

I don't know whether to hope and pray the best for both of you or...

To secretly watch you from far and still hoping that you would come back which I knew you won't.

I miss you.

p/s : Sorry that I accidentally love you.

Sincerely,
Me.

Sorry dear.

Sorry...
For being selfish, annoying and ignorance, sorry is just the word
I am afraid yet I am scared...
And I know that this would be weird and sounds more weird but that feeling... that feeling of being abundant is just kept on haunting me
Its make me traumatized... but yet I do want to try...
To try and give u a chance... to hope like before...to have faith like always but I can't do this alone
Sorry... I know I am wrong but please forgive me dear... and lets start all over along

Aku sayang kau.

Aku sayang kau
Tapi aku tak bodoh untuk rampas kau

Aku sayang kau
Tapi aku tahu aku tak boleh paksa kau sayang aku

Aku sayang kau
Tapi aku terlalu cepat lepas kan kau

Aku sayang kau
Tapi aku boleh pula cuba untuk tak sayang kau

Aku mengaku aku sayang kau
Bukan mudah untuk aku dekat dengan kau

Aku mengaku aku sayang kau
Kau saja yang tahu lembut hati aku

Aku sangat sayang kau
Sampai tiada lagi air mata untuk kau

Aku hampir lupa kan kau
Tapi aku gagal sebab kau terlebih dulu lupakan aku

Aku pernah sayang kau
Sampai aku rasa tak boleh hidup tanpa kau

Aku pernah sayang kau
Dan kononnya aku cakap aku dah bergerak atas (move on)

Aku tak tahu aku masih sayang kau atau tak?
Yang pasti aku tak kan cantas dan sabotaj majlis kau

Aku sangat sayang kan kau
Sampai aku tak pernah biar orang tahu sejauh mana sayang aku pada kau

Aku sangat sayang gila bab* dekat kau
Tapi semua nya dah habis sampai sini

Aku tak boleh sayang kau lagi
Sebab kau dah pilih dia untuk kau sayang

Aku akan lupa sayang aku kat kau
Sebab aku tak pernah berhenti sayang kau

Selamat Tinggal my Mr. Juliet d Orange

#22 : Moving on.

Today is an important day in my life. Today I got the news that my first love are getting married by the end of this year but what weird is that I don't even sad or mad about this but I am excited and glad for both of them. Am I weird?

Hence I came on to the conclusion which lead me to write this :

To those whom keep on asking me about letting go and move on...this is for all of you...

Letting go isn't about erasing the memory but it's about creating the new one instead. Don't try hard to erase but keep on writing a new page. By that, InsyaAllah you will not realize that you are already moving on.

#21 : Waiting you.

Waiting is painful, forgetting is painful but not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering. -Shaz Johar-

Ok. This is one of my favorite. 

#20 : About hurt.

I rather stop, rest, wait and hunting all over again although I know it is hard rather than being with you because both hurts me. Thus, if it is hurt, I prefer the chase, the adventure because it is worth it. You won't know why being with you is hurt because you are hurting me by each single word that you say. Sorry that I leave you but I just cannot stand that anymore. It is not worth it.

After all, the pain had become immune for me. Almost everyday I felt it whether with you or not being with you it is just the same. It is hurt. Yaa.. it did hurt me. :'(

Those scares did reminds me that the pain is always real and are not going away.

p/s : I already forget what it is like to not feel broken and yeah I do live each single day instead of jump off from a skyscraper, bridge, railway etc. Well at least I try to live.

Aku bukan orang yang baik

Aku pernah confess dekat dua orang berbeza...
Pernah propose (ajak dorang kahwin)... 
Tapi sikit pun aku tak berniat nak ajak dorang couple...
Aku kena reject oleh dua orang ni...
Tapi aku tak menyesal sebab aku berani beritahu niat aku... Aku jujur...
Cuma sayangnya, susah nak jumpa dua lelaki baik macam tu lagi d dunia ni... 
Sayang betul... mungkin aku bukan orang yang baik pada dorang...

Asyik kau je~

Aku tak taw orang lain....

Yang aku taw, susah macam mana pun aku cuba...

Payah apa sekali pun...

Aku masih, tetap sayang dia...

Dia jugak yang aku sayang...

Aku nak berhenti sayang dia...

Tapi makin diberhenti, makin sakit...

Makin ditolak, makin datang...

Awak...

Please jangan kacau saya sampai semua ni hilang...

Hati...

Please belajar bagi peluang pada diri sendiri dan orang lain yg lebih berhak...

** sigh #_#

Asal aku ok~

Ulas pasal tajuk panjang2 sangat pun tak guna gak kan?

Tajuk tu adalah berkaitan dengan entry aku yang ni.

Berkisar tentang kenapa aku rasa waktu sekarang ni macam kurang sesuai untuk aku berpasangan.

Ye la.. Asal aku ok sudah... ^_^

10 (SEPULUH) Sebab kenapa aku tak perlukan pasangan buat masa sekarang :

1. Aku masih belajar. (cliche sangat2 kan?)
2. Masa tak sesuai la. Aku baru lepas rabak wey. Agak2 la ko nak berpasangan terus.
3. Impian banyak lagi yang belum tercapai. (nak pegi kelilingi dunia)
4. Lifestyle, mindset, environment masih di alam bujang remaja. HOYEAH!!
5. Tengok baby memey la comel tapi kang kalau dah dia melalak malam2 aku rasa aku pun tak sedar weyyy. Nak mati kalau dapat menantu cam aku? haha
6. Pelupa teruk. (Aku boleh jadi terlupa yang aku dah kahwin nanti kalau aku kahwin skang ni) ahakz~
7. Mak aku confirm.... TAK BAGI... sebab aku taw dia kenal sangat la perangai buruk baik anak gadis dia yg sorang ni...
8. Hutang banyak, bukan tahap keliling pinggang lagi dah. Dah tahap keliling Malaysia pun ada la kot.
9. Aku bukan contoh terbaik buat kanak2 bawah umur. #Kids, please don't try this at home. haha
10. Kurang keyakinan dan kepercayaan kepada komitmen dalam perhubungan. (based on previous cases, bro)


Tapi kan, ape kejadah aku dok cangak lagi sambil bermalas-malasan? Mana azam sebakul aku yg sebelum cuti tu? Semuanye puiiii....Hampagas, pemalas teruk!!

But, May Allah bless. HE always know the best for me. Have faith, insyaAllah great things awaits you ^_^

Ok la... Ola Oli Cikebum Cikebum sekalian...

See ya!! ^_^

Muka serabak hati. Tapi hati lebih rabak. Senyum je yg mampu!

#16 : Broken-hearted

It's my English post... (suka hati aku je bebila pn rasa nak buat english post)

p/s : sebelum tu ingin ditegaskan blog ini tiada wordless Wednesday and so on...i just make this blog to be awesome in my own way #awesome lah sgt kau!!

ok...now, back to the main topic...

it's hurt you know...

it's really damn hurt when i knew the fact that u are using me and then dump me...

it's suck!! sounds rude am I?

however... I am the type of girl that will always stand firm above all things...

I believe on the principal of there is nobody will actually care of ourselves since our own shadow will also leave us in the bright place....

Yea... I'm admitting that the scars u leave seems to gave me a deep marks...

kalau hati ni laku nak jual kat bundle, aku nak jual dan teruskan hidup. -Terfaktab

but still... I am the one who can't put the blame on u...

The girl who can sit down and pretend to be calm (perhaps) plus praying for your happiness without me being around after all that I had sacrifice = yea...that's me

At first I feel like dying...but I had practice the situation when we both decide to becomes best friend before you truly admit that you used me...

I'm not mad...but I feel sad and sorry for u...for not seeing the beauty in the heart of mine...

Every time I look back on our memories...tears still fall down through my cheek...

Its been really hard for me to make the decision in deciding to moving on and back off from this relationship instead of still being there waiting and hoping for u to see me as somebody for serious...

I prefer to leave as u seems don't want me to stay anymore...

After all, u are no longer stopping me to leave u like before...

At least before this, I saw your effort that making me stay which then lead us to these TWO years...

But now....here we are... reaching this stage...I'll be glad...

Knowing all this happen exactly like I expected not as I hope is also a relief...

I leave u as a better man... I knew that...

There will be no more Mr. Juliet d Orange for me after this...no more making cards, writing letters, creating quotes, writing poems and as for the novel...let it be without the endings...perhaps~

It is enough for me to stalking u far away until somebody wakes me and makes me love him...

OUCH!! Is that love?

This post is nothing compared to what I've been through when I'm with u...

You teach me enough...and I'll give u more than u deserve...

Still it is my fault for expecting too much from you...

May this feeling rest in peace...  

2nd p/s : kengkonon nak rare sangat lah kan sebab tak nak buat wordless Wednesday tu? rare lah sangat kau!! ^_^  #not so forever alone~

bila kanak2 mcm aku...

kata mak..."hati2 dgn hati n prasaan sbb org xnmpak sakit d ati"
tp.....

kata satu lagu..."cinta itu ketawa dan air mata"
tp....



kata satu dialog sinetron "yg menyakitkan,yg membuat ati pedih...itu bkn cinta sbb cinta itu indah"
tp....

kata seorang sahabat "when the times comes u'll kn0w,when the person show,u'll recognize"
tp....

kata satu pepatah inggeris....



tp...
kata aku..."life is all ab0ut love and hate"....

p/s : cambest aje sume ni...tid0 lg bagus...hehe^_^

lg kejiwangan~

aku kn....slalu pk...npa ek kita asek jmpa org yg salah??npa ek kita asek jd mangsa keadaan??npa ek org yg sama level setia dgn kita x dpt lak kita??duduk la aku d0k melangut pk sume ni...but then...aku pn dpt la jwpn yg hampir tepat mgkin...mgkin sume ni sbb...

1. masih blum masanya
2. dia bkn yg t'baek utk kita..
3. utk mengajar kita menghargai erti cinta,pengorbanan n setia...

aku pn pk la lg...agk2 ada ke org nk kawen dgn aku??sbb aku dh hampir putus asa dlm perjalanan ni...asek frust je...(p/s: msti org rsa aku gatal sbb pk pasal kawen je..)..tp aku pk pasal ni sbb aku x rsa yg aku ada masa yg byk utk cari calon n bercinta cm org lain...ye la...dgn life yg x s'brapa ni...aku mgkin sukar utk jumpa si "DIA" yg betul2 org nya...dh tu...aku pn amek la keputusan utk lepas je sume ni...redha je dgn takdir...maybe,aku akn trima je sesiapa yg dtg umah n masuk meminang...or maybe...aku akn serahkan hal ini dkt keluarga...sbb siapa pn dia...dia mesti la yg direstui keluarga aku...tu je...rasa cm pelik lak tulis hal ini dkt blog...aish..malu lak den..^^"

puaskah??!!

sekian lama...aku d0k2...aku tringat lak lirik lagu ni...mmg rasi la lirik dia dgn idup aku.....hmmm....aku ni...malang sket klu bab2 cintan ni...tp aku slalu je pndai2 bg nasihat kt kwn2 n org len...lawak lak rasa....huhu=P
mcm2 k0 ni TTM....kwn2 la ckp cm tu....pastu aku ska pk bnda2 pelik2...cth nye mcm...kn best klu dpt kawen dgn lelaki kaya cm GU JUN PYO tu....lawak2....pada hal dh sah2 la idup ni x sama dgn cite k0rea....mmg jauh skali la....bak kata org2 skang..."mmg x la..." huhu
lg kn...aku skang ni baru je single balik...lpas P men kn aku...x guna...aku igt dia srius...rupa2 nya x....silly me la kan?? x ksah la...bnda dh jd pn...lg pn aku x ksah sgt...sbb bg aku...lelaki cm tu x baloi la klu aku nk sedih2...byk lg k0t bnda len utk aku pk2....huhu....tp kn...aku tgh identity crisis skang ni...aku rsa nk lari jap la dr sume ni...nk g dunia len jap...nk g tmpat yg aku x pnah g lg....leh x cm tu?? tu la yg aku tgh cari tu nk g mna t?? adeh... pening2...nah la aku bg lirik ni kt k0rg utk baca2 k??

>>>>>>wali band-puaskah<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Puaskah kau lukaiku
Puaskah kau sakitiku
Puaskah khianatiku
Puaskah hoo.. Sayangku

Di manakah nuranimu
Di mana akal sehatmu
Sekarang kau campakanku
Setelah kau dapatkanku

Reff:
Mungkin hanya bila ku mati
Kau ‘kan berhenti ‘tuk menyakiti
Sampai kapan aku begini
Terus begini
Terus engkau lukai

Ingatkah saat yang lalu
Saat kau peluk diriku
Tapi kini semua lalu
Kau tega khianatiku

cinta itu indah...

mencintai x semestinya memiliki,
krana jika kita dh b'sedia utk jatuh cinta,
maknanya kita dh b'sedia utk...
kekecewaan, kesakitan n pengorbanan...
s'sungguhnya cinta yg sejati n hati yg bahagia itu dpt dirasai,
apabila melihat k'bahagiaan
`Dia' yg kita cintai....


~teka teki misteri~