For someone.

For someone with capital F.


Its not that I don't adore you,
Its not that I hate you,
Its not that I don't like you,
Its not that I love to always having arguments with you,
Its not that I don't care about you or your feeling at all ,

but

I just don't know how to, what to when it comes to you,

because

I am the one that can't even understand her own self all the time,

and

I am so sorry too

for

always hurting you with all my words and actions.

Sincerely,
Me with capital of M.

Jodoh

Encik Jodoh,

Mohon awak tak tersesat lagi kali ni sebab saya sentiasa tunggu awak dengan penuh harapan dan doa. Jaga diri ye sayang?

Yang ikhlas,
Cik Jodoh

#22 : Moving on.

Today is an important day in my life. Today I got the news that my first love are getting married by the end of this year but what weird is that I don't even sad or mad about this but I am excited and glad for both of them. Am I weird?

Hence I came on to the conclusion which lead me to write this :

To those whom keep on asking me about letting go and move on...this is for all of you...

Letting go isn't about erasing the memory but it's about creating the new one instead. Don't try hard to erase but keep on writing a new page. By that, InsyaAllah you will not realize that you are already moving on.

#21 : Waiting you.

Waiting is painful, forgetting is painful but not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering. -Shaz Johar-

Ok. This is one of my favorite. 

Kusut?

Apa kejadah aku dok senyum sorang2 sementelah tengah kusut jugak ni?

Kusut?

"Bila nak kahwin?"

Kalau awak-awak sekalian tanya kita lagi dengan soalan "Bila nak kahwin?",


Boleh tak kita jawab awak tanya la DIA. 




p/s : sebab kita taw kita tengah di uji ni.

#20 : About hurt.

I rather stop, rest, wait and hunting all over again although I know it is hard rather than being with you because both hurts me. Thus, if it is hurt, I prefer the chase, the adventure because it is worth it. You won't know why being with you is hurt because you are hurting me by each single word that you say. Sorry that I leave you but I just cannot stand that anymore. It is not worth it.

After all, the pain had become immune for me. Almost everyday I felt it whether with you or not being with you it is just the same. It is hurt. Yaa.. it did hurt me. :'(

Those scares did reminds me that the pain is always real and are not going away.

p/s : I already forget what it is like to not feel broken and yeah I do live each single day instead of jump off from a skyscraper, bridge, railway etc. Well at least I try to live.